Waiting for Godot

Why They Don't Make 'em like Richards No More

In a West Indies vs Australia match, Aussie bowler Greg Thomas beat the bat of Sir Viv Richards a couple of times.

Greg Thomas: "You seem to have trouble locating the ball. Let me help you - it's red and looks like this." (Holds up the ball)

Richards (After hitting the ball for six on the next delivery) : "You know what it looks like maan - now go and fetch it!"

Fetch!

Bhaisahab ke photos: Under My Umbrella

[Click pic for best view]

UNDER MY UMBRELLA
Versova beach, Monsoon 2009

How To Do A Love Song

Pete Yorn's Lose You. A four and a half minute masterclass on how to write, compose, render and visually represent a love song.



Or watch @ YouTube

WWW Crazies Vol 1: Nut Aboard

Who doesn't like glancing at the 'Comments' section on web pages? Often, on torrent sites, comments by other users can save your computer's ass by warning you about dubious torrents. In news and information sites (Cricinfo, YouTube), comments help quickly gauge public opinion, and posters also add more information about the video/news, apart from carrying on lively debates.

Yet sometimes, one finds a comment so bizarre and ludicrous, it could only have been posted by a lunatic. Some of them are so uniquely unintelligible, they deserve recognition. This brand new label is Bhaisahab's effort to preserve instances of internet lunacy as encountered on the 'Comments' section of websites he visits.

The loony who gets the honour of being the first to be thus felicitated is the ironically named 'professorfuntime.' On the 'Comments' section on Pirate Bay for the Roger Corman film 'The Raven' (soon to be reviewed here), the sour professor had this entirely unrelated comment to make:

"^ Fuck off loser! Crawl back under the rock from whence you slithered. Don't you find yourself thinking what the fuck am I doing writing shit like this. "

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out who the prof was admonishing. If you can, pray do enlighten me.

Click here to read the comment in context

Bhaisahab ki poetry: 30 minutes on a borrowed laptop

So this Monday, Bhaisahab found himself in Mumbai's NCPA, to catch his good friends perform their unique and pioneering art.

Arriving as early as possible, as is his wont, he killed time thus:

@ncpa
silent hall
empty seats
fingers twitch
one hour to go

cap
a boat inverted
a head tonsoured
no vacancy for lice
cotton keeps scalp cool

jug
leaning to the right
reading classical texts
of -isms and -ologies
silver shines bright

row Q
some are driven
others drive
but all arrive
to sit in row Q

Zamyatin on Happiness

In 1921, Yevgeny Zamyatin published a novel in Russian called We. Set in the distant future, the book describes a dystopian One State in which everything is reduced to mathematically precise equations. (Predictably, Soviet authorities banned the book)

For instance, here's how the narrator, D-503, describes happiness:

"...bliss and envy -
they are the numerator and denominator
of the fraction known as happiness."

Bhaisahab says



Read more about We and Zamyatin.

Bhaisahab ke horror film reviews: Bumper edition

In which we review Hollywood classic The Changeling, J-horror cult Noroi, and Belgian survival horror Calvaire.

THE CHANGELING (1980)
Directed by Peter Medak
Written by Russell Hunter, William Gray, Diana Maddox

3.5/5

Plot: John Russell, a professor of music, loses his wife and kid in a tragic incident. Six months on, he moves to Seattle to get on with his life, taking a teaching job at the university. He moves into an old mansion, where bizarre noises and sights point to the presence of a spirit. A séance is conducted, and the spirit turns out to be that of a boy called Joseph. Why does Joseph haunt the house? Why does he repeatedly ask Russell for help? John Russell finds the answers in the shady past of the powerful local politician.

Good things: The séance sequence is k.i.c.k. a.s.s. It’s very realistic, extraordinarily spooky, and Helen Burns gives a virtuoso performance as the medium. This is a film not about jolts and shocks but more about atmospherics. Much like The Shining, The Changeling creates a dark foreboding atmosphere inside the Victorian-era mansion, in which the slightest sound, the tiniest of dark spaces, throbs with the promise of terror within it.

Not so good things: Plot wise, it would have helped if John Russell had more at stake to solve the mystery behind Joseph’s death. The way his character has been written, he seems to be driven purely by altruism in his quest for answers. The film would have been edgier if Russell’s own life depended on salvation for Joseph’s unquiet spirit.

Trivia: Apparently, the story is loosely based on events experienced by co-writer Russell Hunter.


NOROI aka The Curse (2005)

Directed by Kôji Shiraishi
Written by Kôji Shiraishi & Naoyuki Yokota

4.5/5

Plot: Masafumi Kobayashi, investigator of the paranormal, has disappeared while filming a documentary on an ancient curse. We are then treated to this documentary, which shows Kobayashi and his intrepid cameraman Kana Yano descend into a series of events that gradually turn from plain weird to ‘holy shit what the fuck was that’ scary. The documentary project leads Kobayashi to a village washed away by a dam, where rituals to a demon called Kagutaba were performed before the village went under water. By the end of the film, Kobayashi’s family is destroyed, his house burnt down, and he himself vanishes.

Good things: Bull’s eye by the Japanese yet again. Shot entirely in DV as a mockumentary (a la Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield), Noroi is scarier than both films put together. At times haunting, at times downright terrifying, and always creepy, Noroi breaks new ground in horror by it’s minute attention to detail and superb pacing. Some of the scenes have to be seen to be believed. Jin Muraki as the fearless explorer Kobayashi is utterly believable, with his rotund frame and polite ways as he inquires his way into the very center of hell. At just over two hours, the film may seem long to many, but trust me – it has enough meat in it to keep you chilled from the first frame to the last.

Not so good things: Are you kidding?

Trivia: The movie’s tagline: Everybody dies. Nice, eh?


CALVAIRE aka The Ordeal (2004)

Directed by Fabrice Du Welz
Written by Fabrice Du Welz & Romain Protat

2/5

Plot: Marc Stevens is a small time singer, who makes a living singing songs in retirement homes and schools. Returning from one such gig, he gets lost in the forest and what’s worse, his van breaks down. He gets help from a gentlemanly inn keeper Monsieur Bartel. At first Bartel and the local village idiot Boris seem forthcoming and eager to call rescue services and get his van towed. But Marc soon realizes, to his utter horror, that Bartel believes in that old Eagles credo – You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. See, Bartel is batshit insane. He thinks Marc is his wife Gloria, who apparently was a ‘slut’ sleeping with all the men in the village. Bartel proceeds to imprison Marc, brutalize him, make him wear Gloria’s frock, and rape him. But Marc’s horror multiplies when the villagers come to know Gloria is back. Turns out, the whole village is batshit insane.

Good things: Not too many. There were a couple of creepy moments, sure. The stand out scene is the disturbing dance by the villagers in the pub, a dance so weird it’s spine chilling.

Not so good things: The film is a little too dense for my simple tastes. Much of the story has to be deduced by reading between the lines. Pretty hard to do when you don’t understand the language. The horror of Calvaire isn't supernatural, nor does it, like traditional survival horror, rely excessively on shock moments. That is to say, there's no chainsaw wielding Leatherface creeping up on you. The horror here has a gritty, queasy, what-if-this-happens-to-me texture. Unfortunately, it isn't forceful enough.

Trivia: "With the exception of the subtle violin tune heard during the final shots and closing credits and the creepy piano play in the bar, the film has no music score." (IMDB)

Rust In Peace Sucker

In a remarkably hard hitting interview to Outlook, Jaswant Singh cuts Mr. Iron Man down to his right size - just another mediocre Indian polishitian who cannot ever think big, forget thinking out of the box. Sample this:

"To me, it’s a matter of great sadness that Advaniji has singularly failed in his function as a leader to lead. A leader will have to lead by example. Not through diktats, not through vague and unspecified insinuations and fears. And in the army, the leader takes the flak. If you transfer responsibility, and if you do not stand up for those who are colleagues, then you are not a leader. There are numerous examples of how Advaniji, on the occasions that trouble him and where he is likely to come under fire, either keeps quiet or immediately transfers responsibility to somebody else. This is not the trait of a leader."

Or this:

"I’m very distressed and this I do want to say that Advaniji is using the party to which he belongs for his various book launches. Every book launch he goes to in whichever part of India (for language editions of his autobiography, My Country, My Life) is actually organised by the party. Please, this should be asked of the party. The party congregates for his launches. This is a demonstration of sycophancy. Misuse of the party. It’s sickening."

Or this:

"I used to say that other than the Communists and the BJP, all political parties are really private limited companies built around a family or a leader. That no longer applies to the BJP. It has been reduced to the proprietary partnership of a few. This has come about under the leadership of Advani. If you allow this to happen, I say you are then not a fit instrument to serve the interests of the country."

Vinod Mehta must have had multiple orgasms when he got his pseudo-secular hands on the juicy interview, especially following Arun Shourie's hilariously funny (to everyone but the BJP, and even that is not certain) remarks on the idiot Rajnath Singh.

Poor old BJP. I guess if you don't play by god's rules, god finds a way to fuck your trip.

Jaswant Singh's interview at the Outlook website.

Them Yankees

One more relic from the height of the Bush Years, when America turned from dumb to dumber, as personified by their Decider-In-Chief.

(Click image for full size)